Chicken Scratch

Over the last few months, I have been researching what fish I can and cannot put in my new saltwater fish tank. I’m learning the combination of fish I can house together in one tank and what fish are not recommended for my tank. I’m learning what kind of food these fish like and whether they are aggressive or peaceful fish. I’m even learning whether they prefer a cave to hide or whether they are curious swimmers. To say the least, I’m having to re-learn a lot since my last two tanks.

The common denominator. I need a bigger tank. But to have a bigger tank. I need more money. The reality of the story is I’m going to stick with the tank I have but I’m limited to what types of species of fishes I can house and the quantity of fish I can have. It’s almost frustrating lately because I want a juvenile tang fish because they are beautiful and conversation pieces. Follow me on this as the type of fish is not important. But the key here to realize is this fish will grow bigger and soon outgrow my tank. And this type of fish enjoys bigger tanks because it is known for swimming 3-4 miles a day in a given tank.

So, let’s recap. I have a small tank. And I want a big fish. Got it? Good. I have added four fish already but the last two are key as they must get along with the fish I already have. If I get a giant fish, he will not get along with the rest of the fish. And he will not have a good life since he requires a bigger tank for swimming and quality of life.

What is the solution? I could get a bigger tank. But again, it would cost more money. A lot more money. And here’s where the lesson comes in. How many times do we stay dormant in a given situation. How many times do we wait and pray that God will move us into a new opportunity when we still want to hang on to the “smaller tank”. God is saying buy a new fish tank. Go bigger. It may take a little extra money but take a step and believe in God.

I plead guilty daily to this and assume I’m waiting on God when God is waiting for me. I have fought myself and tried fooling myself into getting this tang fish to think it was what was best for me but NOT what was best for the fish. Funny how this relates to our relationship with us and God. We constantly stick with the smaller fish tank in our lives and try to shove a bunch of “big fish” into a tank that is really not set up to accommodate these sizes of fish. Essentially and unfortunately, we do it anyway and do it only based on our own convenience and not on what God really wants or is calling us to do.

My suggestion. Upgrade to a bigger tank. Don’t have the money. Save. Sacrifice. Don’t have the accountability. Get an accountability buddy who will call you out on those things. Don’t have the time. Find it somewhere. Budget your time just like your money. It’s there. And my final suggestion. STOP trying to shove a big fish into a small tank only to please yourself and not God!

God wants to give you a “beautiful fish” in your life. He wants to bless you with an opportunity you can talk about with others each day everyday. He wants you to enjoy your gift and calling only to bless others. To get the bigger and more beautiful fish we have to get a bigger tank. What is the “bigger tank” in your life? Whatever it is. Go after it. Sacrifice if you have to. Go do it. And stop being careless with what God has called you to be.

As a few of us ushers were counting and organizing the offering last week at church, I had realized a small cut on one of my fingers. My uncontrolled response was, “dang, I have a cut on my finger.” One of my usher’s response was immediately, “suck it up sweetheart.” It was a funny moment for both of us because we were simply joking with each other. But he was right. It was just a little cut. It was just a little blood.

In the last couple months, I have been praying about a burden being laid upon my heart. And only until a couple weeks ago, I have decided to act on it. I have decided to take a step of faith beyond my understanding. The step is similar to the one I took five years ago when I moved to Florida with no family or friends, no money and no job. So you can understand the scale of what I’m about to do.

With that aside, I have stopped trying to figure out what God is doing with my life. Recently, I have started to realign most of my time with my core values in my life. What are my areas of focus in my church that receives the majority of my time? How much time do I spend developing others? How much time do I set aside for myself versus working late? What are the key relationships in my life and what am I doing to foster and build those relationships?  How strong is my relationship with God himself and what am I doing to make it stronger?

These are the things I can control in my life. And through these things I can start to “connect the dots” that will ultimately lead to the full purpose that God has for my life. Similar to the cut on my finger, I feel God is telling me to “suck it up” and stop focusing on the small things and step up to what God has truly called me to be.

As Christians, we want God to supply answers to our most intriguing questions when instead God only wants to answer our questions when we start to answer his call (Pastor Stovall). I’ve been faithfully serving in the student and young adult ministries for almost three years now and it’s just recently that I can begin to ask God for answers and he is doing so. I’m in a good place.

Pastor Stovall jokingly said to the college group last week, “stop trying to figure out how to connect the dots. You’re stupid. And so am I. We all are.”. He was insinuating that we’re never going to understand the full calling on our life so don’t bother trying to figure it out. We need to continue to serve, spend time with God and do it faithfully and then we can start to ask questions only after being in God’s presence.

We can get caught up worrying about the “small cuts” on our fingers or we can follow God’s calling and realize that sometimes we’re going to get scratches and even have a little pain trying to seek God’s call.  There’s a saying out there and it goes, “If it were easy, then everybody would be doing it.”  God’s calling for your life wasn’t meant to be a walk in the park.  It’s meant to challenge you.  It’s meant to break you down.  It’s meant to glorify God in every way.  If it were easy, then it wouldn’t be God’s purpose!

Next time you have a cut or a moment of sadness, deal with it then “suck it up” and move forward.  God is waiting on you.  God is telling you to suck it up and be the man of God he designed you to be!

So… I ran out of gas a few weeks ago on a Sunday afternoon.  It was one of the most humbling experiences I have had to go through in a long time.  I would have rather avoided it all together but in the process I learned an extremely valid lesson.  That I too wear a mask.  And that I hide my insecurities.

As I was walking on the side of the road, I realized I was in clear view of “everyone” driving by me.  With nothing to hide behind, I was walking in clear view with a very clear message written on my head – I WAS IN TROUBLE.  They had moving cars.  I had legs.

The nearest gas station was 2 miles away of which I walked in the scorching heat.  Sweating, dehydration and frustration were all things working against me mulitplied by a 100.  It was evident I  needed help.  I had nothing within reach to “rescue” me (and cover my insecurity) from telling others I was in trouble.  Hence, the reason for my painful humility.

As I had reached the next exit off the bridge (of which I was stranded on),  I began to get more comfortable.  There was a hotel in view.  And then a barber shop.  And then Target.  I found myself most comfortable as I walked up through the parking lot and mixing in with the people and cars in the parking lot.  Even though my car was “parked” down the street on the side of the road, my advantage was only I knew it.  I blended into my surrounding.

You see I became part of my surrounding through one action.  Entering through the Target parking lot.  Looking like a average person parking their car – ready to shop and pick up their groceries only feet away.  Even though my situation hadn’t changed, my pain had been covered by my surrounding.  What I learned that day is that the pain doesn’t completely go away due to us trying to blend in with that around us — but because we deal with those pains.

I can say I dealt with my pains that day but then I would be lying.  I failed miserably.  But what I learned that day [and I feel is being repeated through those close to me] is the ability to accept help from others.

It’s hard to imagine that the people around us are going through similar pains but the truth is we all are going through “stuff” and have junk in our trunk (sorry I could resist;).  Our job is to find the folks around us that are attempting to “blend” in as a Target shopper (like me) and encourage them as best we can.  It may not be easy but simple works best.

I needed help that day and I was extremely thankful for a complete stranger who drove me a couple miles up the road because he knew I was in need.  It’s easy to decipher who needs help on the side of the road, but it’s even better trying to find those in the “Target parking lot”.  I’m thankful for the man that day that offered help even though I was too proud to ask.  Even though his truck was a little rough all around and had almost no floor boards and a tan that most doctors look to a specialist for, I am thankful he looked after me.  And he did it by simply asking me questions.  He said, “Are you okay?  Do you need help?  I’d be happy to drive you up the road.”  So simple right?  It is.

Some of us may not have the best “floorboards” or advice to give, we just need to offer it anyway.  Just because somebody is walking through the “parking lot” does it mean they are okay.  Challenge yourself to ask questions as the mysterious man with no floorboards did to me.  It saved my life that day.  You might just save another with what you offer.